twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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