a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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