I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hippo gnu deer
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
