Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
