you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
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my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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