what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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