Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
