So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
