But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
