somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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