Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
