How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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