I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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