I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
