Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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