Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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