it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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