Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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