So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
