maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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