Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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