I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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