Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
