Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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