come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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