I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
