I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
