I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
