i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
