You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
