oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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