I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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