You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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