the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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