left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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