I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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