sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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