dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
