she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
