if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
