see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
