By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
