I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
