I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
