I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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