Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize