all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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