he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
