Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
