a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
