Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
