i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
