Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
