the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
