I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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