No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is it penis luge time yet?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i out mim tonsoeep
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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