Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Life is so much better after having sex.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
