remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
