why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
