i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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