So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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